I need you, but only if you need me

As it's stated in my now 16 simple rules, I am of the firm belief that the only people we need in our lives, are those who prove that they need us in theirs.

Which makes you stop to think, do I really matter to the people in my life? Or do they see me as a transient, nondescript human being, whom they have no desire to connect with? Someone who wouldn't care or grieve if I lost my life the next day, or walked out of their lives, never to return?

Once you have assessed that, you start to realise how many people you could just cull from your life, just because they could very well do without your existence. It wouldn't make a damn of a difference to them if you left; life goes on and they wake up the next day thinking nothing's changed. Though everything has for you.

Perhaps you need them; you cherish them and value them, but do they reciprocate that equally? Or even at all?

What do you do when they walk out of your life, leaving a gaping hole behind in it? They meant something to you, but to them, you were nothing. Nothing at all. Only something to be called upon when needed, and cast aside when not.

Which is why you cull those relationships that run like a one-way street. And early, too. You know the saying: leave before you're left.

As selfish as that sounds, just think about all the people whom you meant nothing to.

The end justifies the means.

Winter

Winter came early.

The days are short, the nights long.

Cooped up at home next to the heater, gazing forlornly at the empty space in front of you, all alone and quiet while the heat drives away the last bits of cold. Sleep begins to come over you, and almost like a spell cast by an invisible, benign presence, you're in the land of the warmest spring; a rolling, blooming meadow of green, with ice-capped mountains in the distance. Mother Nature in all her glory.

Peace. But not for long.

The eerie blues taint the amber glow of life. Like a blue filter in the lens of a film camera. Everything suddenly becomes dull, lifeless and grey. Colours are almost unnoticeable, desaturated or ignored to the point of almost non-existence.

You descend into darkness and coldness. Like a void that only the turning tide of spring can lift you out of. A gravity so deep you cannot pull yourself out of it; one that gets deeper as the months go on and the void of nothingness grows ever deeper.

It's getting colder every day. Metaphorically speaking, too. A cold shoulder; a cold stare; an icy comment uttered in breathless haste, vapour barely escaping the near frozen, chattering mouth.

Your demons appear before you. Mocking you, taunting you, belittling you. You fight them, but to no avail. Never in your life have you been surrounded by company, yet felt so alone in the world. The people around you become faceless and alien. The inexplicable, piercing gazes of empty faces that inexorably penetrate your mind and stir up your deepest fears, long repressed in your subconscious that now bubble to the surface, about to explode cathartically with destructive force. The walls of your mind begin to collapse as the mounting tide of fears and demons crash against them angrily with hell-bent determination of setting themselves free.

A silent cry of help echoes in your mind. Nobody can or will hear you. Or even bother for that matter.

The strange things winter does to you.

But in the darkness, the light shines ever more brightly.

This arbitrary life

I never asked to be born into this world.

Not saying that I'm ungrateful of my existence. It's not like I had a choice; I just so happened to be brought into this world by my parents.

But I never asked to go through life and all its ups, downs and roller coasters in between. I never asked to feel great happiness, but also great despair at times. I never asked for problems and dilemmas, or their solutions either. I never asked to meet all the people I've encountered so far, or lose the ones I held close.

I never asked for any of that, or anything at all for that matter.

I never asked to exist.

Innocence and nostalgia

Remember a time when the world wasn't like the way it is now?

There was respect, honour, trust and loyalty, but most of all, simplicity.

Most, if not all, of those traits don't seem to exist anymore today.

Whatever happened to leading a simple life, free of complications whatsoever? One that was simple, good, honest, but most of all, true? We all seem to get caught up in so much drama and bullshit that we could very well do without, but no; we still find ourselves in complicated, confusing, bitter, tense or awkward situations where what's done is done, but the memory of the past lingers on like a menacing threat; a haunting, murderous monster intent on breaking your will and shattering the remnants of your mind before it goes in for the kill; lying subdued, but simmering at the back of our minds, harshly repressed and buried deep in order to avoid a cathartic explosion of emotions and actions that could possibly destroy us.

Whatever happened to trust, honour, respect and loyalty? We seem to have foregone that in favour of a quick fix. Instant solutions to instant problems. We don't need to hang around for anything anymore - there's always something else out there that meets our needs better and faster. We discard things just like we do old broken toys - without a second thought, without a second look back; and it's all forgotten in a flash.

Whatever happened to thinking things through, before making decisions and doing things for the sole purpose of going further to something more, instead of instant self-gratification? Why do we all do things without thinking twice about the consequences, both on ourselves and others? Now, we seem to act before we think, all with the purpose of immediately fulfilling our instinctual, even animalistic, desires. There's no such thing as waiting anymore - if the opportunity's there, we grab it; no questions asked and no second thoughts.

In a world gone mad, those are the only things I have left: trust, honour, respect, loyalty and an appreciation of the simple things in life. After all, the latter is perhaps the one that makes us happy, in a society cluttered with so much garbage that's impossible to avoid wherever we go and in whatever we do.

But I'm determined to remain grounded. Nothing and nobody will compromise my values, beliefs and standards. I will do whatever it takes to defend those things that I hold dear. That I promise myself.

Six degrees of separation

"You know, my friend's brother's friend's cousin's boyfriend's sister..."

Sound familiar?

The theory of six degrees of separation posits that everyone is, on average, approximately six steps away from any other person on Earth. That is, any two people on the planet can be connected on average in six steps/links or fewer.

You might think it's strange and profoundly impossible, given the Earth's population of nearly 7 billion people spread across all 7 continents. But in an increasingly interconnected and globalised world fuelled by technological leaps and bounds in communications, where artificial barriers are lowered or abolished, allowing information, capital, goods, services and people to be universally mobile, that notion is becoming more of a stark reality than anything.

Especially when it hits you close to home, on a personal level.

8 Simple Rules...Revised

The previous 8 simple rules that I live by have been revised to include 8 more. :)

1. Nobody's perfect.
2. Everybody's different.
3. Never be emotionally swayed; always be stoic.
4. Nothing lasts forever.
5. Nothing ever happens for a reason; life is random.
6. No matter how hard you try, there are some things in life you just can't control.
7. Don't change for anyone or anything; be yourself.
8. Never give up.
9. Everybody has a past; secrets, regrets and skeletons in the closet.
10. Sometimes, your past doesn't define your present.
11. Everybody has a dark side; they're just good at hiding it. Too good, sometimes.
12. Never judge; each to their own.
13. Sometimes, there's no such thing as a second chance.
14. Sometimes, we have people in our lives, just so we can learn to live without them once they're gone.
15. The only people you need in your life, are the ones who prove that they need you in theirs.
16. Passion fuels the fire that burns in your heart. If you absolutely love something, go for it and don't look back.

To do or not to do...

Which are we more likely to regret: something we did do or something we didn't do?

Are we more likely to regret that drunken late night phone call, or not telling a certain someone how we really felt about them before they left?

Working at a job that we don't enjoy, even though it pays well, or not following our dreams and passions, even if it's hard to etch out a decent living from them?

Choosing to leave in order to chase our dreams, or choosing to stay for the sake of loved ones?

We all do things that we regret, and we all regret not doing things as well. But which of the two are we going to wish we had a second chance at: of righting wrongs and undoing past mistakes, or seizing opportunities that are probably never going to reappear in our lifetime ever again?

I'd say, if it makes you happy, go for it and don't look back. :)

The Pursuit of Happiness

I know what you're thinking: it's missing Life and Liberty, as the phrase goes in the US Declaration of Independence.

But...happiness. What is it, really?

Is it having everything we need and want in life? Be that fame, fortune and/or maybe even someone else by our side?

Is it being able to wake up every morning with a smile on your face, without a worry in the world? Or maybe even waking up next to a special someone?

But why do we strive to be happy?

Why do we do anything and everything in our power to be happy?

I guess, happiness comes from having meaning in our lives. Something to live and breathe for. Something to fight for and protect. Something that makes us want to get out of bed each morning, and that puts a smile on our faces as we fall asleep each night.

Happiness comes from knowing we're not simply on this Earth just because we happened to be born into it. That we're contributing and making a difference, no matter how small, and no matter to whom or what. That we mean at least something to someone and cannot leave the world without significantly impacting on their lives, be they friends, family or lovers.

But could we still be happy, without all of those things?

Loneliness

Sometimes, the loneliest of people are the ones who are surrounded by the most people.

You'd think otherwise, but no. The more people there are, be they family, friends, acquiantances or strangers, the more distant and lonely one can feel.

In a fast-paced world where everything seems to zoom past in a flash, it's easy to get left behind all on your own; when you want to slow down, but the rest of the world demands that you catch up.

That's when loneliness kicks in.

You'd rather stop and stare, while the rest of the world flashes a quick glance before moving on. You're standing still, while the world's a blur of people moving all around, not taking notice of you or knowing you even exist. You'd rather take things slowly, while everyone else urges you to move quickly, in a world consumed by instant self-gratification and narcissism. You're the only sane person in a world gone mad, the voice of reason amongst a collective chaos of noise, lies and foolish decisions.

More often than not, however, the best company one can have is simply oneself. Just you and you alone, whether it be lying on the bed staring up at the ceiling, or sitting at the beach watching the waves and the gazing at the infinite horizon.

But then again, two's company and three's a crowd.

Maybe with a close friend by your side, perhaps enjoying a deep conversation or staring in companionable silence at the empty space in front of you. After all, silence is golden; sometimes the best things are said when words aren't spoken at all.

Loneliness isn't when you're all alone by yourself. It's when you're all alone while being surrounded.

A little something...

It's not about the breaths you take or the breaths you take away.

It's how you breathe.