Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Ideas, ideas, ideas

Listen to Here Without You by 3 Doors Down while reading this.

I got up to the mike, stealing one last glance at him before we started the song. I signalled the band. Josh began picking the melancholy opening melody. Then I came in; I started to feel the song, and began to let it get to me, the true meaning behind it; the heartache, the pain, the undying love; I began to feel everything Brad must've felt while writing it.

"A hundred days have made me older,
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face.
A thousand lies have made me colder,
And I don't think I can look at this the same.
But all the miles that separate,
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face."

I looked at the crowd gathered at the amphitheatre, their once rowdy and wild mood now transcended into one of respectful silence and solemnity. I turned my gaze to him; he was looking at me blankly, as though the words I was singing and my evocative expression didn't mean a thing to him and didn't have any sort of impact on him. But I knew full well what was on his mind; at that moment he was just trying not to show it.

Dave and Aaron soon came in on drums and bass, respectively. As I continued to sing, I felt the song's power and hold on me grow ever stronger, to the point where it was almost overwhelming. But I gave in, and let it consume me as we moved into the chorus.

"I'm here without you baby,
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby,
And I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby,
But you're still with me in my dreams.
And tonight, it's only you and me."

Then we reached the bridge, and now, there was no holding back.

"Everything I know, and anywhere I go,
It gets hard but it wont take away my love.
And when the last one falls,
When it's all said and done,
It gets hard but it won't take away my love."

Josh's soaring voice came in and belted out the bridge, as I provided the harmonising vocals. It had all been leading up to this moment; I closed my eyes and imagined in my mind's eye, everything that had happened between us; the quiet moments and one-on-one conversations, the jokes we shared, the music we both loved, the way one cheered the other up when they were feeling down.

All that came down to the one thing, that revelation - and the following argument - that nearly destroyed all of that. I would've loved to say that nothing had changed between us, but the truth was, we were no longer the same to each other. We both saw sides of each other we had never previously known existed and said things we never would've said, with one of us going to bed nearly broken and unimaginably angry, hanging by a thin thread that would snap even if a feather of another blow landed on it; that one, was me.

With all that in mind, I took a deep breath as I joined Josh, and soared above him, my eyes still shut so I wouldn't see the reactions of the audience, and most of all, him. It was almost cathartic, just singing the harmonising vocals. It was like letting everything out; all the heartache, the pain, and the undying love; what the whole song was about. About me. I was taking that huge burden off my chest and laying it out for everyone before me to see and understand. Now that I wasn't keeping it in anymore, I felt light and unencumbered; it was the feeling of freedom.

I held my last lyric of the bridge long and hard, moving it between different notes, unlike in the original version of the song, for this time it had my personal touch to it, since I wasn't just singing it; I was feeling it. After all, the song represented me.

We repeated the chorus one last time and finished the song. Then, the amphitheatre suddenly loudened up again with the screaming cheers and applause from the crowd. I smiled, and looked at the once again wild crowd, and turned back to my band, grinning from ear to ear.

"Great job guys, we showed 'em," I said.

"Man, you were awesome, what were you thinking?" Josh said to me.

I merely chuckled, as I turned back and faced the crowd, still cheering wildy. Once again I glanced at him; this time, his expression was unreadable as he applauded with the crowd, though he saved his cheering out loud. I thanked the crowd as they started to dissipate and head off in different directions to their classes or lockers.

But he stayed behind. As we packed up and chatted about our performance then, he came up to me.

"Hey, you were really good just then," he said, though slightly awkwardly.

I looked him in the eye, my gaze piercing; unflinching, unsmiling.

"You sing better with a broken heart."

Without another word, I turned my back and went to help the others.

I left him standing there, just as he had done with me.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Another idea: Leaving.

"Don't leave," he whispered, almost pleading. "Please. I'm......I'm sorry."

I watched on, unmoved. He didn't believe in what he said. He said it only because I was close to death, seemingly in the futile hope that my fading will to live would suddenly re-emerge and overpower the toll that the injuries had taken on my body. If I came back, everything would go back to the way it was before; it'll be as though the accident never happened and I wouldn't be here in the hospital on my deathbed; nothing would change. He simply didn't want someone he knew - but never really cared about - to die. I knew he didn't mean it.

Without another thought, I left.

The electrocardiogram sounded that long, dreaded beep.

"No...." he murmured. It took a second for him to realise what was happening. "No, NO!"

I smirked on my way up to heaven. It was about time he felt what it was like to truly lose someone, anyone. Ultimately, I wasn't looking forward to living anyway. Not as though my absence would leave a wounded, gaping hole in the hearts of those whom I knew on Earth; even if it did, it would heal rather quickly, perhaps quicker than most wounds.

Medical staff rushed into the room, and hurriedly escorted him out as they tried to revive my now-lifeless body, to no avail.

Just another idea I'd been playing around with. It's obviously not a full-fledged story, just an idea for one.

Currently listening to: Breathe - Ryan Star.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

What if........?

What if........

You went to bed one day wishing you'd never wake up again, and your wish comes true?

Watching from wherever you are in the afterlife, would you regret your decision to leave so suddenly?

Would you start to miss the life you had on earth, even though as you fell asleep, you felt ready to leave it all behind?

Or would you watch on blankly, unmoved, or even glad, that you're gone, as everyone you ever knew struggles to come to terms with your sudden departure? Or, like I said earlier, would you start to regret your decision?

Given a choice, somewhere between this life and the next, would you stay, or would you leave?

Just something I'd been pondering over the last couple of weeks.

Currently listening to: Beautiful Day - Saving Abel; from the album Saving Abel.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The mind

Often I have vivid imaginations; so vivid they're almost real. If I were an artist, I would've drawn them all out by now, and plastered them all over the walls of my bedroom.

They're about almost anything, really. I see it all in my mind's eye. It's like a fantasy escape, really. It's like I can withdraw into the space of my mind whenever and wherever I want, and I'm in own little piece of heaven, dreaming up anything and everything that makes me happy; few as those things are, I hold them dear.

My mind is perhaps my greatest possession. It's the one thing that no-one else can touch, a safe place in times of chaos, the one and only thing that truly belongs to each and every one of us, and us only. My mind's eye sees everything and anything, possible or impossible, real or imaginary, calming or frightening. It is a gift at most times, but at times it can be a curse, when it gets altered by everything else going on around you, when it starts to turn against you and create visions that frighten you, sadden you, and perhaps even break you down inside.

But then again, thinking about it, it allows you to imagine, and dream of, impossible things, whether they be ideas, places, people, situations or even other worlds, or parallel universes. It's a vast expanse that has no limit whatsoever; it's only limited by how much you dare to imagine, and how that will shape your mind.

Monday, April 20, 2009


Randomly enough, I started thinking about what song(s) would be played at my funeral.........

If anything, most, if not all, funeral songs are selected for their meaning, not the music.

After looking through my playlist, and some deliberation, I came up with a list of songs:

1. In Loving Memory - Alter Bridge
Alter Bridge's lead guitarist, Mark Tremonti (who admittedly is one of the best rock guitarists), wrote the song about the death of his mother. Basically it talks about how a loved one was always there for him, and even though they're gone, their spirit still lives on and guides them in their life, giving them strength when they are weak, and comfort in their sorrow.

Well there's a whole lot more to it, so the lyrics are here:

2. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
Dunno why, but this song's melancholy tone makes it perfect as a funeral song. It's almost like a song of salvation, or taking on the world with someone else, because you know you can't do it on your own.

Once again, here are the lyrics:

3. Savin' Me - Nickelback
Once again, going with the whole theme of salvation/redemption here. And as everyone can tell from the title, the song's about saving someone, particularly yourself. Thing is, are you worth saving? That's the question the song begs.


4. Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton
One of the guitar god's most famous songs, written about the pain he felt after his 4-year-old son fell to his death from the 53rd floor of a condominium in 1991. Not that the song has any references to his death; it merely talks about wanting to be with someone in heaven, only that your time isn't up yet, and you still have to live your life; but until then, you have to be strong and move on. Well at least that's how I interpret it.


5. From Where You Are - Lifehouse
Lifehouse's lead singer, Jason Wade, wrote the song for Allstate's (an insurance company in the US) Teen Driving Program; the song is dedicated to teens who have lost their lives in accidents, and to a friend of Jason that died in a car accident at the age of 16. Tragic as it is, however, the song never mentions/describes anything about dying in a car accident; rather, it talks about missing someone who is far away/gone, and recalling the little things and the special moments you shared.


6. I Am the Highway - Audioslave
Another melancholy song; Chris Cornell's (one of the best rock singers, in my opinion) raw, evocative vocals match the sombre lyrics; they talk of a life, numbed by the number of obstacles overcomed and the burdens carried, and how he isn't scared of leaving the world, and everything, behind. It seems that way to me, at least. Either way, a good one.


7. One Last Breath - Creed
Another (classic) example of the salvation/redemption theme. The song's simply about someone, who, with their last breath, is trying to hold on to life and to the things they hold dear. Sometimes, the song's also called "Six feet from the edge".


8. Fix You - Coldplay
As random as Coldplay's lyrics are (though some people reckon they're poetry o.O), this song seems to be the only one out of their entire repertoire that has even an ounce of meaning to it. Basically it kinda goes with the salvation/saving theme (you know, fix you). Not a bad one, though.


9. Leave Out All the Rest - Linkin Park
Redemption/forgiveness theme here. The song is a confession from someone who has made poor choices and done wrong in his past, and he fears condemnation; he wants to redeem himself, so that he can be remembed as a good person in other peoples' memory when he dies. It also mentions the differences between two individuals that shouldn't matter; the ones that make us all human.


10. Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park
Melancholy one about "the sun setting for you". Basically about turning your back on the world and leaving everything behind. Poignant enough for a funeral.


There, that's my list. I might add more to it, I dunno, depends on my ever-growing collection of music. xD

Currently listening to: From Where You Are - Lifehouse; from the Single.