Monday, March 19, 2012

When nightmares become reality

The thoughts that occupy your mind during the day, play out in your dreams by night. And when you wake up, they all but consume you, from the inside out.

They make you question everything. Your motives. Your feelings. But most of all, your sanity.

You have a lot of time to yourself to think, so you do. And you can't help it. They slip into your conscious mind ever so slightly, without you even noticing, before bursting forth seemingly out of nowhere and startling you as they flood your waking thoughts. The more you think about them, the worse it gets. But worst of all, you can't make them go away.

Your thoughts become dreams, and your dreams haunt your reality.

It's a living nightmare.

Sunday, March 18, 2012


"They've always told you to be yourself; they never said they wouldn't judge you for it."

Judgement. We're all guilty of it.

We question and critically judge the decisions of others; why are you like that, why do you/don't you do this or that, etc. We urge the outsiders to conform, to do what everyone else does, even though they're not entirely comfortable with it, or don't even understand it.

That's when they start to think that perhaps there's something wrong with them, or perhaps the world's gone mad and they've just stayed sane all this while. They don't necessarily hate themselves or the decisions and choices they make; they just hate the fact that the world is flying in the face of everything they believe in, for demanding from them what they cannot bring themselves to do or give.

They know they're different. They accept that. But what they can't accept is the ridicule that comes with being unlike the others. They never said they hated the norms and practices of the world; they believe that everyone should be able make their own choices and decisions. But they hate how those choices and decisions are seemingly forced upon them, in a blatant attempt at conformity and to simply make them "do what everyone else does".

They just want to make it all go away. They may not agree with what everyone else is doing, but they respect it nevertheless. They accept their differences and are proud of them, but it's hard when everyone else disagrees and incessantly forces them to conform to things they know will only cause them harm.

But all they're really looking for, is some semblance of sanity in a world gone mad.

Monday, March 12, 2012


Ever heard the saying "A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts"?

It's an interesting notion; alcohol lowers our inhibitions, making us say things we either longed to say but didn't have the courage to, or things that were best locked away securely within the confines of our mind.

The things we were always afraid to say, come spilling forth from our vocal cords the moment we ingest more alcohol than we ought to have. The barriers of our mind that hold our dark, secretive thoughts back are broken down by the drug, as we blurt out our deepest, innermost thoughts about anyone and anything, and perhaps most embarrassingly, to the people who least want (or need) to hear them.

But why do we hold back? Why do we not do or say things that we've longed to? Why do we keep them closed off in our hearts, unwilling to get them off our chests?

Is it because we're scared? Of rejection? Of tears and sadness? Of anger? Of misunderstanding?

The moment we feel like doing or saying the things that we've been dying to, we censor ourselves. "Don't do it, you'll regret it," we tell ourselves. We refuse to seize the opportunity that presents itself right then and there, for fear of the ramifications if the other party doesn't reciprocate, or takes it the wrong way.

That is, until alcohol gets added into the equation. What happens from then on becomes out of the control of your normally level-headed, sober mind.

But when the drug wears off, we try to apologise, to explain and clarify things. "I was drunk, I wasn't thinking straight, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry," we say to the affected party. All is forgiven, they say "It's okay, don't worry about it", and everyone moves on, although a lingering, embarrassing memory still remains.

In the end, though, who are you to believe? Are a drunk man's words really his sober thoughts, or is it merely the alcohol talking?

I don't have the answer to that. But when it comes to inhibitions and holding back things you're dying to say or do, I'm sure you know the saying: those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

In other words, go for it. :)

Friday, March 09, 2012


We've all done wrong in life. We all feel guilt, shame and regret for things that we wish we hadn't done. If only we could turn back time, we'd gladly take it all back so that we wouldn't have to live with the memories which haunt our waking hours over and over, time and time again.

But we can't do that. The closest thing, perhaps, is that elusive thing called redemption.

We try to right the wrongs of the past, and do everything in our power to make peace with it. We won't rest until we hear the words "I forgive you."

But it's so hard, because ultimately, in chasing redemption we must undertake that which most of us are reluctant to: sacrifice.

Our reputation. Our dignity. Our material possessions. Our dreams and aspirations. Our family, friends and loved ones. Our life.

All so that we can leave this world seemingly a saint, with all wrongs righted, all mistakes forgiven and all rivalries rested.

But would many of us go to such lengths, so that we may die knowing we had redeemed ourselves, only because most of our life was spent selfishly pursuing our own interests at the expense of others?

Redemption doesn't come easy. And neither does what it takes to achieve it.