Wednesday, June 30, 2010


It's official. I'm insane.

Really, I am. Or at least I think I am.

I wish I could just go someplace else, somewhere far away from here, and leave everything behind and forget all about it. Friends, family, life, everything. Destroy all connections to my previous life. That life is dead and gone.

Start afresh, in a place where nobody knows me or where I come from. Where I can finally start life anew and forget the past like it never happened in the first place. Where I can probably live in relative solitude and peace for the rest of my life. Bliss.

Tuscany, anyone? :)

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Here today, gone tomorrow

Without evil, we wouldn't know good.

Without hate, we wouldn't know love.

What if, we had people in our lives, just so one day, we could learn to live without them?

People walk in and out of our lives. They gain importance in our lives, or lose it gradually or even suddenly, as time goes by and things change.

Perhaps, people walk into our lives, so that one day, we may learn to live without them when they walk out of our lives. I mean, they're all gonna leave us someday, aren't they?

Believe me, that time will come. Regardless of promises made or steadfast loyalty displayed, it will come.

Maybe the saying's true: don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.

Then again, I don't believe anything in life happens for a reason.

People come, people go. There isn't really a reason why, is there?

C'est la vie.

And there ain't nothing we can do about it.

Saturday, June 26, 2010


Forever is a lie. Since we don't live forever, we can't expect to say that something lasts/will last forever. For example, that tired old cliché of "I'll love you forever" or "True love lasts forever".

Utter bullshit, if you ask me.

We're all hardwired to have some wanderlust in us. That's the difficulty of remaining in a monogamous relationship; humans, like most animals, aren't born to find and stay with a partner for the rest of their lives. Everybody will wander, or at least think about wandering, at some point in a relationship, because we were born with that instinct. It's the hard, but inevitable truth, and one that's not easy to swallow. It's hard to honour a monogamous relationship without straying. Feelings fade over time and that's why relationships end and the two parties go their own separate ways. Even if the feelings don't fade, the spark that was initially there will eventually die out, and things will never be the same.

"I'll love you forever."
"No you won't."
"Really, I will."
"Bullshit. Nothing lasts forever."
"How do you know?"
"We don't live forever, and well, things change. You never know."

"Promise me you'll love me forever."
"I can't promise you that."
"Why not?"
"Because nothing lasts forever. Not even love."

Sorry to rain on your parade, all you lovebirds and hopeless romantics. But that's the sad reality of the world and one we all have to face.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Morale Lost: A Poem

Morale Lost

Neither a patriot, nor a traitor
In no man's land, alone I will stand.
For with no-one to trust, I have nothing to fear
In the silence and emptiness, no cries I shall hear.
As the cold wind howls, the quiet becomes no longer
The eagle's eyes, like that of a wanderer.
Against the grey skies, I tread this blood-sodden ground
But I feel no pity, for no peace I have found.

I am broken, but I am not shattered
I am bruised, but I am not beaten
I am lost, but I will find my way
This land is in despair, but I am not without hope
But my back is turned, for I believe no more
That this battle has a cause, worth fighting for.

Just something I wrote when I was bored in class one day. :P This is probably my favourite poem out of the many I've written. :)

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

From the outside looking in

They say, no-one knows you better than you yourself. But sometimes, I think other people know me better than I know myself. Strange, isn't it? It hardly seems right that someone else knows things about you that you don't even realise about yourself. People tell me things about myself I don't even realise until then. They analyse my opinions and actions and point out flaws which I never would have seen.

Perhaps it's the same for all of us. We need other people to judge, critique and analyse us, like a scientist keenly examining a specimen under a microscope. There is no more impartial opinion than that of another. Sure, we may know ourselves and how we think, but it is those from the outside looking in that know everything; the good, the bad and the ugly. Everything we would never see in ourselves, as much as we search and analyse. In our minds, there's always that other viewpoint that counteracts whatever we may find negative about ourselves, turning it into something positive, when in the eyes of another, it isn't so. Like the angel and the devil playing with our conscience, duelling in a psychological battle that's bound to end badly. The mind plays tricks on us to think that we are right, perfect and justified in everything we think and do, when really, we aren't.

Perhaps the true selves of each and every one of us remains a perpetual enigma to our own selves. We can never judge ourselves, for we are always biased, no matter how impartial we may try to be. We are either too lenient, or too harsh on ourselves. I guess the best way would be to have an outsider look in, and tell us everything they see: the good, the bad and the ugly.

Monday, June 14, 2010

What defines us

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
- Confucius

We don't accept challenges for no reason at all. We accept them knowing that we might fall; and when we do, it is how we deal with it that defines our character; whether we sit there and wallow in self-pity, or pick ourselves up and rise to the challenge once more.

Rising again after we've fallen is harder than rising to the challenge for the first time. Often, when we fall, we fall hard. Hard enough to crush all our hopes and dreams, and instill in us distrust, fear and hatred. Picking ourselves up after such setbacks defines our character more than the setback itself. In comparison, the setback would seem insignificant, like a fly on the wall, a little nuisance in the way, once we rise up again and eventually succeed in our endeavours. Of course, we may not succeed the second, third or even the fourth time we try again; but it's how we never give up each and every time we fail that matters more than the failures themselves.

Nobody's perfect. Everybody falls, some harder than others. But it's how we pick ourselves up that matters.

"It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me."
- Batman

Who would've ever though Batman could come up with a good quote like that? :P

Sure, we may say all sorts of things about who we are underneath to others, but when it comes to actually proving those, it is, indeed, what we do that defines us. We might say that we are brave and loyal and would do anything for our friends, even take a bullet for them; but if a gun was really pointed at them one day, would you actually step in front of them and take the hit? Would you risk losing your life and everything you've ever known and hold dear, just to ensure they live one more day, or, in the pressure of the situation, completely forget your promise and simply watch on as the gun fires and they fall slowly to the ground, bleeding?

Indeed, the important decisions and choices we make in our lives define our character and who we are. We are judged not by what we say, but by what we do. In other words, our character may be who we are underneath, but it is our actions that show and prove it to the world.

Friday, June 04, 2010


Memory. Without it, we probably wouldn't exist. It is because of memory that we know who we are and our place in this world. We are shaped not just by our genes, but also by our surrounding environment, and the way it shapes us, is because of our memory. We remember all that goes on around us and are profoundly affected by it, whether we realise it at the time or not.

But sometimes, memory is a curse. There are of course, many things that happen in our lives that we just wish we could forget about completely and banish from our memory forever, but that cannot be. It is these memories that scar us for life, and permanently imprint themselves into our cerebral cortex. We cannot voluntarily forget about those memories, no matter how much we try. Our memory stores those moments and events, but no matter how much of a conscious effort we may make to ignore them and not recall them, sometimes they inevitably spring into our mind's eye, and along with it, all the anguish, torment, pain and fear that we experienced at that time. It's like reliving that very moment we wished we had never gone through. Like going to hell and back again.

But then again, memories shape us, and who we are. No matter what may go on in our lives, if we didn't have a memory, we wouldn't be who we are; we wouldn't grow as people and change; we wouldn't feel pain, love, hate, loss, grief and all the other emotions that every human being experiences. In other words, without memory, we can't call ourselves human.

As the old saying goes, time heals all wounds. Is it true? Perhaps. But the scars left behind remain with us forever.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Facebook and Justin Bieber: shoot me already

Right now, there are two things in the world that I could not hate more: Facebook and Justin Bieber.

Yep, got that right. That giant of a social networking site and that giant of a gay baby.

Why oh why is everyone obsessed with social networking? I don't see the appeal in:

1. Adding people whom you aren't even friends with, or don't even know in real life, as virtual friends.
2. "Connecting" with people
3. Finding out what other people are up to
4. Talking to people via their profiles for everyone else to see, when you could do it so much easier, and in private, over an instant messaging client like MSN.

Besides, with the recent privacy issues and that idiot billionaire Mark Zuckerberg's comments that "people don't want privacy" anymore, well I say, he and Facebook can go and die in a hole.

And Justin Bieber. Oh my, where do I start on this one?

Seriously, who names their baby girl Justin?

The day Justin Bieber was born, was the day good music died.

Listening to Justin Bieber's trash makes anybody's IQ drop by 10 points.

Honestly, it's nothing personal against that dude. I just happen to hate his music and his rather stupid grabs for media attention, as though his overwhelming popularity with other teenage girls isn't enough for him.

God, the world's gone mad. Really, it has. Or maybe it's just me who's stayed sane all this while.