The Man Who Lost His Soul - Until June

Power.

The things people do to attain it.

But only when they have attained it, do they realise what they have lost along the way.

That is, everything.


The Man Who Lost His Soul - Until June

Growing up I found the life that I knew
Overshadowed by the anger in the clutch of abuse
And shells and bullets fell and dropped to the floor
I put an end to an era and I started a war
When I carried out the worst of my plans
I was the only one surviving and a miserable man

Now in all my life, I've taken over slowly
And feel my hands, and see what I've become
And oh so wrong to leave your love behind me
And I gained the world, but lost my soul
Is there no one to save me?

When I conquered, no one came to my side
Ruined the life I wanted and I burned what was mine
And in the ashes I had found what I lost
Nothing left inside me and I cursed at the thought
I sat alone and put my head in my hands
And what I thought was a solution, was a horrible plan

Now in all my life, I've taken over slowly
And feel my hands, and see what I've become
And oh so wrong to leave your love behind me
And I gained the world, but lost my soul
Is there no one to save me?

In all my life, I've taken over slowly
And feel my hands, and see what I've become
And oh so wrong to leave your love behind me
And I gained the world, but lost my soul
Is there no one to save me?
Is there no one to save me?

Note: I don't own the picture above. Credit goes to its artist, Nathan Long. :)

Fear

Crippling and devestating, yet also powerful and uplifting. The power of fear.

But what does it really mean to be fearful? To simply be scared? To run away and hide in a corner? To curl up into a ball and pretend that life's horrors don't exist? Or on the contrary, to stand up and fight the threat, real or perceived, overcoming or suppressing your basic survival instincts?

It is perhaps the one of the few things that brings us to our knees, but also allows the inner strength we never knew we had to emerge forth and overcome obstacles. We fight our fears and blindly summon up all our courage to face the very thing that could make or break us. That's when you think, "This is it, all or nothing." Things could turn out right the way we hoped them to, or they could go horribly wrong in ways we never even imagined and weren't prepared for. And it's fear of the latter that inhibits so many of us from doing things and seizing opportunities that might never cross our paths ever again.

But at the same time, fear weakens us and bores a hole to the core of our souls, exposing our human failings and mortal weaknesses. It destroys even the strongest of wills, and delivers a crushing blow to the strongest of mental shields, enough to break the line of defence and advance into the ultimately fragile territory of our consciousness; and from there, nothing and nobody can save you. We're not superhumans; none of us are invincible and subsequently immune to fear. Debilitating and terrifying, we silently scream for help in the futile hope of salvation, that ultimately doesn't come. We're all alone, just us and fear; not standing side by side, but merged together into our very beings. Inescapable and intolerable, we break down as our minds crumble into dust, simply to be swept off with the wind, never to be recovered ever again.

We'd be foolish to say that we have no fear, for we all do, regardless of the circumstances and potential consequences; we're just good at hiding it. But just as we wouldn't surrender in the face of our worst enemy, neither should we submit to fear. Fight it with all your might, and do what is ultimately right.

Never forget

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou

The power of feelings. So strong are they, that they stay with us for the rest of our lives. We may forget the things that people said or did to us, but we will never forget how they made us feel with their words and actions.

Perhaps that's why bitterness is so hard to let go of. Time may pass, and you may even forget what happened, but the feelings of injustice and of being done wrong by remain unchanged. As much as you can't remember what happened in the past, you still look on with contempt and anger, those nagging feelings persisting even though you're unable to recall their origin.

I guess that's why forgiveness is so hard; it's not easy letting go of feelings. Perhaps that's why it's such an admirable trait; it's not easy to forget, let alone forgive. Those who manage to find it in their hearts to forgive those who have wronged them possess incredible strength and warmth beyond words, a truly humbling and respectable trait that most strive for, but few attain.

But is it always wise to forgive? Sometimes people commit acts of atrocity and spew forth vitriolic words that don't even deserve a second thought of forgiveness. Not even the sincerest apology would change anything; the cut's been made, the hurt's been felt and the scar is never going to fade. Second chances are simply out of the question.

Words and actions fade with the passage of time, but feelings always stay the same. Remember that the next time you're about to say or do something that could profoundly affect someone in ways you never imagined, for they will remember and carry it with them for the rest of their lives. And forgiveness isn't necessarily an option, either.

We don't matter

Nobody gives a shit about us. Nobody cares who we are or what we do because we're small, insignificant human beings who don't matter; we haven't done anything to make a difference or change the world, so it wouldn't make a damn of a difference if we died tomorrow; the Earth would still turn, life would still go on and nobody important would even care that you died.

We live in a society so consumed by narcissism and self-importance to the point where we're all attention-whores, seeking validation from other people as a measure of our self-worth, when really, let's face it, we mean nothing.

Nobody cares what you're up to, so there's no point writing a status on Facebook or any other social networking site telling everyone what you're doing at that very moment or what happened to you that day. Likewise, nobody cares about your private life, so there's no point in sharing your relationship status or your numerous personal problems with the world, the latter in the (gag-inducing) hope of eliciting feelings of pity and sympathy from fellow 'friends'. Yeah, like anybody in the virtual online world would actually give a crap.

You wanna be noticed and cared about? Then go out there and make a difference, and do something to make the world a better place. Otherwise shut up and stop complaining about your own problems; there are other bigger, more important ones out there in the world that need solving; like poverty, disease, climate change, pollution, endangered species, environmental destruction, economic crises, oppressive governments, human rights abuses, wars and so on and so forth.

So before you start wailing to the world about your problems via Facebook, Twitter or some other public platform, think about all the other problems that matter way more than your own petty ones.

Breaking point

The point where you can't take it anymore.

The point where you take a deep breath, close your eyes and allow yourself to feel the tears well up in your eyes, refusing to fight them back.

The point where brutal reality takes over and your illusions of hope fade away.

The point where your willpower goes out the window and you succumb to whatever's been tormenting you.

The point where you slide over to the quiet corner, and curl up, burying your face in your knees.

"Help me, please."

"I'm losing my mind."

"Where are you when I need you?"

"Somebody save me."

Words you never thought you'd utter until now.

Breaking point. The point where everything begins and ends.

Do you really know me?

They say, in order to know a man, you have to walk a mile in his shoes.

I guess we can never say we fully know someone inside out until we, figuratively, walk a mile in their shoes.

Sure, we may claim to know people close to us very well; but define "very well". Is it knowing their personality; their loves and hates; their past, secrets, fears, hopes and dreams; the way they think and feel; and how they see the world? That's all but one small part of knowing someone like the back of your hand.

Unless we go through what they have experienced, feel what they have felt and do what they have done, we can never say we truly know them.

The most we can do is empathise with them, and imagine what it must've been like to walk in their shoes. But it'll never replace the real thing, experiencing it all in the flesh, right then and there, and living in the moments that forever defined them.

Perhaps the real selves of us will forever remain an enigmatic mystery to all but those who've shared our experiences. Sort of like an in-group with an exclusive membership. And one that's not necessarily desirable either. But we are the sum of everything life has thrown at us, and we should be ready for whatever comes next.

But one thing I'm sure of is this: we'll never walk alone.

I'm not surprised

Nothing about anyone surprises me anymore.

I've seen the most normal, good-natured of people reveal sides of themselves no-one would have ever thought existed, their unassuming facades suddenly stripped away to expose a sinister and malignant entity.

I've heard from them revelations, lies and secrets that most would struggle to comprehend, coming from such a person whom they previously thought had nothing to hide.

That's because, like I stated in my 16 simple rules, everyone has a dark side. They just good at hiding it, that's all. And more often than not, too good at it.

Looks are deceiving; deep beneath the surfaces of even the most innocent, ingenuous of people, lie dark secrets, shameful regrets, fears, insecurities and guilts.

It's not as though people changed and stopped being who they used to be; it's simply that they brought their other, dark side to the surface for the world to see. They've always had it within them, like an alter ego, almost. They just never showed it to the world until now.

Which is why I do nothing more than simply raise an eyebrow or two, or scoff at some seemingly earth-shattering revelation about anyone nowadays. It's nothing new; it's been there all the time, just bubbling beneath the surface, hidden away and repressed like a painful memory, waiting for the day it can finally burst forth and shock everyone, and bring with it far-reaching implications for everyone in the person's life, be they family, friends, lovers or colleagues. And that's when everything, and possibly even life as you know it, changes. Perhaps forever, too.

Unless of course, you were expecting it all this time.

When life shits you...

Sometimes, this is all you want to say to this thing we call Life:

A nice big FUCK YOU.

The End - Pearl Jam

One of my favourite songs that strikes a chord with me every single time I listen to it. Poignant, deep, beautiful yet simple, all at the same time. One of Pearl Jam's best songs. :)


The End - Pearl Jam

What were all those dreams we shared
Those many years ago?
What were all those plans we made
Now left beside the road?
Behind us in the road

More than friends I always pledged
Cause friends they come and go
People change as does everything
I wanted to grow old
Just want to grow old

Slide on next to me
I’m just a human being
I will take the blame
But just the same
This is not me
You see
Believe
I’m better than this

Don’t leave me so cold
Or buried beneath the stones
I just want to hold on
And know I’m worth your love
Enough
I don’t think
There’s such a thing

It’s my fault now,
Having caught a sickness in my bones
How it pains to leave you here
With the kids on your own
Just don’t let me go

Help me see myself
Cause I can no longer tell
Looking out from the inside of
The bottom of a well
It’s hell
I yell
But no one hears

Before I disappear
Whisper in my ear
Give me something to echo
In my unknown future's ear

My dear
The end
Comes near
I’m here
But not much longer.

Guardian angels

Is there a guardian angel watching over each and every one of us?

Watching and looking over us, silently guiding us through life as we go through its motions, roughs and tumbles?

Do they let us make mistakes so that we may learn from them, and protect us from making those that could cause irreparable harm?

Do they comfort us when we are sad, and revel in our moments of joy and happiness?

Do they give us strength in times of weakness, faith in times of crisis, hope in times of despair, and courage in times of fear?

And all of that through subtle manipulations of our mind that we are unconscious of?

Like the wind that blows through our hair, and like the air that we breathe, do we not see them, although they are always there?

Their existence is debated. But the notion of them is fascinating in itself.