For all the messed up people out there

I guess we all feel messed up and alone at some point in our lives. People think we're just plain crazy when that happens. Sometimes we actually are, but really, no: most of the time, we're sane as can be. It's just the world that's gone mad.

Welcome to the club. This one's to all of us.


Unwell - Matchbox Twenty

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

Cadel you legend

I know this post is unlike me, but anyway...

CONGRATULATIONS CADEL!! :D You're well and truly the deserving champion of the Tour de France 2011. You've fought the blistering elements, the torturous mountains and your toughest rivals bravely, and made history as the first Australian winner of the world's toughest bike race. You deserve every bit of your victory. The whole of the country's behind you, and you've done us proud. YELL FOR CADEL!! :D:D

Sorry, I'm a bit of a cycling nut, just had to pay a little tribute. :P Now all we need is a public holiday to celebrate this piece of sporting history...Julia Gillard, if you want an instant boost to your approval rating, you'd be wise to give us one. Sadly, you're not.

All other sports ain't got shit on cycling. There isn't a sport more physically and mentally draining. Try pedalling non-stop for 4 hours straight (on average) as you climb mountains, and sprint to the finish line at the end of a stage as you set your eyes on the prize. Try keeping your morale up as the rain beats down on you, the blistering sun scorches your back and the wind fights against you. And to add to that, the risk of crashes (particularly around sharp corners and descents), along with injuries and even death. Every single day (well apart from two rest days) for three weeks, in the legendary Tour de France.

Damn, it makes every other sport look like the domain of weaklings. Soccer, rugby, AFL, etc...really? Put any one of those sportsmen on a bike, drop them off at the base of a mountain in France (either in the Pyrenées or the Alps) and see how they fare. Those guys probably can't even make it 20 metres up the mountain. They've got nothing on professional cyclists. Absolutely NOTHING. But then again, each sport to its own, though I must say professional cycling is perhaps one of the toughest sports of all.

God, I'm suffering Tour de France withdrawals now, and the race just finished about an hour and a half ago as Cadel stepped on the podium on the Champs-Élysées to the strains of the national anthem, the pride of the nation (and the flag) on his shoulders. Just gotta wait until next July then. :)

Once again, congratulations Cadel Evans. :D You've done us proud and we admire your strength, courage and fighting spirit throughout the entire Tour. You're a magnificent role model not just for the sport, but also for everyday people like us who look up to you for your never-say-die attitude, something we all aspire to. I say, if this isn't Australia's greatest sporting achievement, then I don't know what is.

Disjointed thoughts

Just let me go already, please.

I can't take it much longer.

Let it all stop.

Let it all pass.

Let it all be forgotten.

Leave me be.


I can't do this.

I just can't.

I can't believe this is happening.

I'm scared.

So, so scared.

I can't hold on for much longer.

I can't breathe for much longer.


Walk away.

End it all.

I never should've.

Will you come back?

What happens next?

I don't know.

I don't know what to see.

I don't know what I see.


Someone take me away.

Far, far away.

Take me someplace secret.

Let the world pass by.

Quiet now.

Sleep now.


Where are you when I need you the most?

Can you hear me?

Can you feel me?

I'm right here.

Help me, please.

Save me.

From everything.

But most of all, myself.


Things left unsaid.

Words left unspoken.

Wait.

Just wait.

Please.

The Man Who Lost His Soul - Until June

Power.

The things people do to attain it.

But only when they have attained it, do they realise what they have lost along the way.

That is, everything.


The Man Who Lost His Soul - Until June

Growing up I found the life that I knew
Overshadowed by the anger in the clutch of abuse
And shells and bullets fell and dropped to the floor
I put an end to an era and I started a war
When I carried out the worst of my plans
I was the only one surviving and a miserable man

Now in all my life, I've taken over slowly
And feel my hands, and see what I've become
And oh so wrong to leave your love behind me
And I gained the world, but lost my soul
Is there no one to save me?

When I conquered, no one came to my side
Ruined the life I wanted and I burned what was mine
And in the ashes I had found what I lost
Nothing left inside me and I cursed at the thought
I sat alone and put my head in my hands
And what I thought was a solution, was a horrible plan

Now in all my life, I've taken over slowly
And feel my hands, and see what I've become
And oh so wrong to leave your love behind me
And I gained the world, but lost my soul
Is there no one to save me?

In all my life, I've taken over slowly
And feel my hands, and see what I've become
And oh so wrong to leave your love behind me
And I gained the world, but lost my soul
Is there no one to save me?
Is there no one to save me?

Note: I don't own the picture above. Credit goes to its artist, Nathan Long. :)

Fear

Crippling and devestating, yet also powerful and uplifting. The power of fear.

But what does it really mean to be fearful? To simply be scared? To run away and hide in a corner? To curl up into a ball and pretend that life's horrors don't exist? Or on the contrary, to stand up and fight the threat, real or perceived, overcoming or suppressing your basic survival instincts?

It is perhaps the one of the few things that brings us to our knees, but also allows the inner strength we never knew we had to emerge forth and overcome obstacles. We fight our fears and blindly summon up all our courage to face the very thing that could make or break us. That's when you think, "This is it, all or nothing." Things could turn out right the way we hoped them to, or they could go horribly wrong in ways we never even imagined and weren't prepared for. And it's fear of the latter that inhibits so many of us from doing things and seizing opportunities that might never cross our paths ever again.

But at the same time, fear weakens us and bores a hole to the core of our souls, exposing our human failings and mortal weaknesses. It destroys even the strongest of wills, and delivers a crushing blow to the strongest of mental shields, enough to break the line of defence and advance into the ultimately fragile territory of our consciousness; and from there, nothing and nobody can save you. We're not superhumans; none of us are invincible and subsequently immune to fear. Debilitating and terrifying, we silently scream for help in the futile hope of salvation, that ultimately doesn't come. We're all alone, just us and fear; not standing side by side, but merged together into our very beings. Inescapable and intolerable, we break down as our minds crumble into dust, simply to be swept off with the wind, never to be recovered ever again.

We'd be foolish to say that we have no fear, for we all do, regardless of the circumstances and potential consequences; we're just good at hiding it. But just as we wouldn't surrender in the face of our worst enemy, neither should we submit to fear. Fight it with all your might, and do what is ultimately right.

Never forget

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou

The power of feelings. So strong are they, that they stay with us for the rest of our lives. We may forget the things that people said or did to us, but we will never forget how they made us feel with their words and actions.

Perhaps that's why bitterness is so hard to let go of. Time may pass, and you may even forget what happened, but the feelings of injustice and of being done wrong by remain unchanged. As much as you can't remember what happened in the past, you still look on with contempt and anger, those nagging feelings persisting even though you're unable to recall their origin.

I guess that's why forgiveness is so hard; it's not easy letting go of feelings. Perhaps that's why it's such an admirable trait; it's not easy to forget, let alone forgive. Those who manage to find it in their hearts to forgive those who have wronged them possess incredible strength and warmth beyond words, a truly humbling and respectable trait that most strive for, but few attain.

But is it always wise to forgive? Sometimes people commit acts of atrocity and spew forth vitriolic words that don't even deserve a second thought of forgiveness. Not even the sincerest apology would change anything; the cut's been made, the hurt's been felt and the scar is never going to fade. Second chances are simply out of the question.

Words and actions fade with the passage of time, but feelings always stay the same. Remember that the next time you're about to say or do something that could profoundly affect someone in ways you never imagined, for they will remember and carry it with them for the rest of their lives. And forgiveness isn't necessarily an option, either.

We don't matter

Nobody gives a shit about us. Nobody cares who we are or what we do because we're small, insignificant human beings who don't matter; we haven't done anything to make a difference or change the world, so it wouldn't make a damn of a difference if we died tomorrow; the Earth would still turn, life would still go on and nobody important would even care that you died.

We live in a society so consumed by narcissism and self-importance to the point where we're all attention-whores, seeking validation from other people as a measure of our self-worth, when really, let's face it, we mean nothing.

Nobody cares what you're up to, so there's no point writing a status on Facebook or any other social networking site telling everyone what you're doing at that very moment or what happened to you that day. Likewise, nobody cares about your private life, so there's no point in sharing your relationship status or your numerous personal problems with the world, the latter in the (gag-inducing) hope of eliciting feelings of pity and sympathy from fellow 'friends'. Yeah, like anybody in the virtual online world would actually give a crap.

You wanna be noticed and cared about? Then go out there and make a difference, and do something to make the world a better place. Otherwise shut up and stop complaining about your own problems; there are other bigger, more important ones out there in the world that need solving; like poverty, disease, climate change, pollution, endangered species, environmental destruction, economic crises, oppressive governments, human rights abuses, wars and so on and so forth.

So before you start wailing to the world about your problems via Facebook, Twitter or some other public platform, think about all the other problems that matter way more than your own petty ones.

Breaking point

The point where you can't take it anymore.

The point where you take a deep breath, close your eyes and allow yourself to feel the tears well up in your eyes, refusing to fight them back.

The point where brutal reality takes over and your illusions of hope fade away.

The point where your willpower goes out the window and you succumb to whatever's been tormenting you.

The point where you slide over to the quiet corner, and curl up, burying your face in your knees.

"Help me, please."

"I'm losing my mind."

"Where are you when I need you?"

"Somebody save me."

Words you never thought you'd utter until now.

Breaking point. The point where everything begins and ends.

Do you really know me?

They say, in order to know a man, you have to walk a mile in his shoes.

I guess we can never say we fully know someone inside out until we, figuratively, walk a mile in their shoes.

Sure, we may claim to know people close to us very well; but define "very well". Is it knowing their personality; their loves and hates; their past, secrets, fears, hopes and dreams; the way they think and feel; and how they see the world? That's all but one small part of knowing someone like the back of your hand.

Unless we go through what they have experienced, feel what they have felt and do what they have done, we can never say we truly know them.

The most we can do is empathise with them, and imagine what it must've been like to walk in their shoes. But it'll never replace the real thing, experiencing it all in the flesh, right then and there, and living in the moments that forever defined them.

Perhaps the real selves of us will forever remain an enigmatic mystery to all but those who've shared our experiences. Sort of like an in-group with an exclusive membership. And one that's not necessarily desirable either. But we are the sum of everything life has thrown at us, and we should be ready for whatever comes next.

But one thing I'm sure of is this: we'll never walk alone.

I'm not surprised

Nothing about anyone surprises me anymore.

I've seen the most normal, good-natured of people reveal sides of themselves no-one would have ever thought existed, their unassuming facades suddenly stripped away to expose a sinister and malignant entity.

I've heard from them revelations, lies and secrets that most would struggle to comprehend, coming from such a person whom they previously thought had nothing to hide.

That's because, like I stated in my 16 simple rules, everyone has a dark side. They just good at hiding it, that's all. And more often than not, too good at it.

Looks are deceiving; deep beneath the surfaces of even the most innocent, ingenuous of people, lie dark secrets, shameful regrets, fears, insecurities and guilts.

It's not as though people changed and stopped being who they used to be; it's simply that they brought their other, dark side to the surface for the world to see. They've always had it within them, like an alter ego, almost. They just never showed it to the world until now.

Which is why I do nothing more than simply raise an eyebrow or two, or scoff at some seemingly earth-shattering revelation about anyone nowadays. It's nothing new; it's been there all the time, just bubbling beneath the surface, hidden away and repressed like a painful memory, waiting for the day it can finally burst forth and shock everyone, and bring with it far-reaching implications for everyone in the person's life, be they family, friends, lovers or colleagues. And that's when everything, and possibly even life as you know it, changes. Perhaps forever, too.

Unless of course, you were expecting it all this time.