What do you do, when you spend your life hiding?
When you remain the background, not craving the spotlight, and simply fade out of peoples' consciousness?
The shadows. Where you go relatively unnoticed, in peace and solitude, in isolation and quiet.
People stop caring about you. They stop knowing that you exist. You drop out of their lives slowly but surely, as the world moves on and so do they, unwilling to stop to look into the dark corners where the faint glimmer of light shines.
Where it goes unnoticed, slowly but surely fading and dimming away into the eventual point of no return.
In a world that craves and prizes the spotlight, the shadows are demonised.
Few stop to look, and many of those who do turn away in contempt. Others seek to cure you, as if you were inflicted with some disease, and try to force you into the light.
But the ones who do look, and decide to explore, have only just stepped into a world unlike the one they inhabit. An alternate universe, almost. One where the possibilities are infinite, where you are only limited by your imagination and where the answers you've been seeking your entire life will be found. Where you can be fearless. Where you can be unsuffocated by the spotlight of the real world. Where you can be free.
The shadows. A world where, in the darkness, you're a light that shines ever more brightly.
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Resistance
"In the wrong environment, under the wrong influences, even people with the greatest integrity can make the wrong decisions."
- David Brailsford, CBE, Foreword to Racing Through the Dark: The fall and rise of David Millar, May 2011
For how long can you resist something?
When you're living in a world that goes against everything you believe in, how long will it be before those influences and temptations begin to chip away at your willpower, your mental armour?
How long will it take for you to finally give in, to accept and partake in the harsh, brutal reality of the world you live in?
How long, before you break?
A person's integrity can be their greatest asset in their resistance, but like everything else, it can only last for so long.
Many people like to think that they're untouchable, that nothing and no-one can change them or force them to compromise themselves.
The reality is, it's only so long before they fall.
Just like everyone else.
- David Brailsford, CBE, Foreword to Racing Through the Dark: The fall and rise of David Millar, May 2011
For how long can you resist something?
When you're living in a world that goes against everything you believe in, how long will it be before those influences and temptations begin to chip away at your willpower, your mental armour?
How long will it take for you to finally give in, to accept and partake in the harsh, brutal reality of the world you live in?
How long, before you break?
A person's integrity can be their greatest asset in their resistance, but like everything else, it can only last for so long.
Many people like to think that they're untouchable, that nothing and no-one can change them or force them to compromise themselves.
The reality is, it's only so long before they fall.
Just like everyone else.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
She is...
This one's adapted from a song. :)
"She walks through the city
No one recognises her face
They don't want her pity
No one ever mentions her name
She's carried the broken
But their scars have no name in her heart
'Cause she walks in forgiveness
She'll shine like a light in the dark
She'll always remember
The days when they welcomed her here
They know if they need her
She made a promise to always be here
When they are weak, she will always be strong
Though they don't know it, they're never alone
No matter how many times they may leave
It's never hopeless, 'cause she still believes"
So what, or who, is "she"?
If you know the song, you'll know the answer. :P
"She walks through the city
No one recognises her face
They don't want her pity
No one ever mentions her name
She's carried the broken
But their scars have no name in her heart
'Cause she walks in forgiveness
She'll shine like a light in the dark
She'll always remember
The days when they welcomed her here
They know if they need her
She made a promise to always be here
When they are weak, she will always be strong
Though they don't know it, they're never alone
No matter how many times they may leave
It's never hopeless, 'cause she still believes"
So what, or who, is "she"?
If you know the song, you'll know the answer. :P
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Disillusioned
Ever get that feeling where you just feel that there's something inherently wrong with the world?
That humanity is in a state of decay and decline, slowly crumbling down, or gradually building up to an implosion?
That you don't know your place in the world?
That you're going nowhere?
That, somehow, you don't deserve what you have?
That you were meant for more, and you wish for more, but you're somehow stuck in a rut you can't get out of?
That you wish you could just run away, abandon modern civilisation as it is, to live a simple life free of the worries, complications and excesses of the modern world?
That you want to change the world for the better, but the traps of bureaucracy, greed and a lack of fame, influence and money stymie any efforts you might make, leaving you completely helpless?
I feel as though it's my job, as a human being like any other, to leave the world in a better place than when I was born into it.
If I died tomorrow, knowing I did something to make the world a better place, knowing that I changed someone's life for the better, however small those changes may be, I'll be happy.
I'll die knowing I did good.
That's all I ask for. Nothing more.
That humanity is in a state of decay and decline, slowly crumbling down, or gradually building up to an implosion?
That you don't know your place in the world?
That you're going nowhere?
That, somehow, you don't deserve what you have?
That you were meant for more, and you wish for more, but you're somehow stuck in a rut you can't get out of?
That you wish you could just run away, abandon modern civilisation as it is, to live a simple life free of the worries, complications and excesses of the modern world?
That you want to change the world for the better, but the traps of bureaucracy, greed and a lack of fame, influence and money stymie any efforts you might make, leaving you completely helpless?
I feel as though it's my job, as a human being like any other, to leave the world in a better place than when I was born into it.
If I died tomorrow, knowing I did something to make the world a better place, knowing that I changed someone's life for the better, however small those changes may be, I'll be happy.
I'll die knowing I did good.
That's all I ask for. Nothing more.
Monday, December 05, 2011
The mindset of champions
Unflinching. Unrelenting. Uncompromising. Unforgiving. Unstoppable.
Those are all words that could be used to describe a champion of any sort, whether in sport, academia or any other field of interest.
They are known for being hard to work with. They are demanding. They don't compromise. They refuse to be second-best. They choose work over play. They pay attention to and fuss over every single, minute detail, for fear that one little slip-up would destroy all their chances of winning. They have sky-high standards, not just for themselves but for others around them; and they chastise those who fail to meet their standards of excellence. In other words, they drive everyone else around them insane.
But what if those qualities of a champion, are exactly what are needed to survive in this harsh, cruel world?
I realise many don't aspire to be champions, and even fewer become ones. Many people are simply content with getting on with their lives as normal, not pushing themselves if they don't have to. They don't set out to achieve extraordinary things, or redefine rules, or break records, or change the world. They just want to lead normal, simple and unassuming lives.
But for champions, they crave more. They crave the thrill and the glory of winning. The satisfaction of having beaten everyone else to the top spot to claim the ultimate prize, whatever that may be. The knowledge that they've made their mark on the world. That they've gone where few have gone before. They came, they saw and they conquered. End of story.
The reality is simple logic; if you don't set out to win, you lose. If you don't go out of your way to beat everyone else to the top, you're beaten. You're defeated, crushed, demoralised. That's the sad, unpleasant truth of the world, and one that we all must face at some point in our lives.
To champions, winning isn't everything; it's the only thing.
Those are all words that could be used to describe a champion of any sort, whether in sport, academia or any other field of interest.
They are known for being hard to work with. They are demanding. They don't compromise. They refuse to be second-best. They choose work over play. They pay attention to and fuss over every single, minute detail, for fear that one little slip-up would destroy all their chances of winning. They have sky-high standards, not just for themselves but for others around them; and they chastise those who fail to meet their standards of excellence. In other words, they drive everyone else around them insane.
But what if those qualities of a champion, are exactly what are needed to survive in this harsh, cruel world?
I realise many don't aspire to be champions, and even fewer become ones. Many people are simply content with getting on with their lives as normal, not pushing themselves if they don't have to. They don't set out to achieve extraordinary things, or redefine rules, or break records, or change the world. They just want to lead normal, simple and unassuming lives.
But for champions, they crave more. They crave the thrill and the glory of winning. The satisfaction of having beaten everyone else to the top spot to claim the ultimate prize, whatever that may be. The knowledge that they've made their mark on the world. That they've gone where few have gone before. They came, they saw and they conquered. End of story.
The reality is simple logic; if you don't set out to win, you lose. If you don't go out of your way to beat everyone else to the top, you're beaten. You're defeated, crushed, demoralised. That's the sad, unpleasant truth of the world, and one that we all must face at some point in our lives.
To champions, winning isn't everything; it's the only thing.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Hereafter: A Poem
Hereafter
The Gates of Heaven read
"The saints live, the sinners bleed"
Be among the latter, and
Eternal damnation awaits thee.
Before the armoured angels, the wounded soldier stands,
Neither a saint, nor a sinner,
But a human being like any other,
In strength and fragility, love and despair.
They speak, "You are not worthy of this kingdom hereafter,
You have killed, slaughtered, burned,
Every man, woman and child against you,
Have you no shame, soldier of war, harbinger of evil?"
His face serene, he simply appeals,
"Judge me not by my deeds on the battlefield,
But by the life I have lived
Before my time here, after."
The angels recompose, and scrutinise him
A broken man, his light dim,
With nothing left to lose,
But still filled with virtues.
"Your heart is true, your spirit gallant,
Your soul is tender, your will valiant,
You have always done what is right,
But should that be a respite?"
"That I cannot judge,
I do what I must,
For I am only a human,
Flawed like all others, and at the end of my time."
"But you had a choice,
Man has the gift of free will,
Or was the prospect of battle too much of a thrill,
One that simply had to be fulfilled?"
"That is a lie!
For my country I died,
A noble cause with flaws,
For it flouted heaven's laws."
A long pause, before they move,
"Alas, God and man cannot be reconciled,
Eternal life beyond, or damnation below,
In this hereafter, the will of God you shall follow."
The Gates of Heaven read
"The saints live, the sinners bleed"
Be among the latter, and
Eternal damnation awaits thee.
Before the armoured angels, the wounded soldier stands,
Neither a saint, nor a sinner,
But a human being like any other,
In strength and fragility, love and despair.
They speak, "You are not worthy of this kingdom hereafter,
You have killed, slaughtered, burned,
Every man, woman and child against you,
Have you no shame, soldier of war, harbinger of evil?"
His face serene, he simply appeals,
"Judge me not by my deeds on the battlefield,
But by the life I have lived
Before my time here, after."
The angels recompose, and scrutinise him
A broken man, his light dim,
With nothing left to lose,
But still filled with virtues.
"Your heart is true, your spirit gallant,
Your soul is tender, your will valiant,
You have always done what is right,
But should that be a respite?"
"That I cannot judge,
I do what I must,
For I am only a human,
Flawed like all others, and at the end of my time."
"But you had a choice,
Man has the gift of free will,
Or was the prospect of battle too much of a thrill,
One that simply had to be fulfilled?"
"That is a lie!
For my country I died,
A noble cause with flaws,
For it flouted heaven's laws."
A long pause, before they move,
"Alas, God and man cannot be reconciled,
Eternal life beyond, or damnation below,
In this hereafter, the will of God you shall follow."
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Escape
If I could have superpowers, I'd have the ability to fly at the speed of light, to breath in space and to breath underwater.
Imagine it: I could fly up into the pillows of clouds and into the cold blackness of space, swim to the dark depths of Challenger Deep, and simply escape from life and all reality on the surface.
I could traverse the galaxies at the speed of light, perhaps finding new life and proving once and for all what I've always believed - that we're not alone in the universe. I could explore the nebulas, the newborn and dying stars, dozens of planets, fly to the very edge of space, and perhaps even come across a black hole, though of course I'd be smart enough not to go anywhere near it. And the cold, dark emptiness of space provides perfect solitude; I could stay there forever, gazing at the stars, and picking which one to explore before blasting off at lightspeed for it. Or I could simply fly to the moon, sit on its dusty surface on the top of one of its many craters, and stare across at Earth as it drifts in and out of daylight and nighttime, over and over again, gazing at its daily motions and that of humanity's as well. A dream come true, indeed.
Or I could explore all of the oceans, and discover secrets unknown to mankind. The lost city of Atlantis, perhaps, if Plato was really telling the truth; all its secrets and treasures in all their glory and perhaps even its people who are cut off from all contact with the surface world. Or lifeforms completely unimaginable to man residing in dark, unexplored depths. I could get close to and touch the most magnificent lifeforms, ones which few if any men have laid eyes or hands on. Perhaps if some schools of fish, whales or turtles were migrating, I could hitch a ride with them, letting them take me wherever they're going. And how could I forget the thrill and adventure of coming into contact with some of the most spectacular and dangerous sea creatures known to man, like the great white shark; imagine the adrenaline rush of seeing one, then swimming away at top speed if they should think I'm food and chase after me. And besides, sometimes the company of animals beats that of humans; perhaps a little swim with some blue whales, dolphins or whale sharks. We don't have to talk; just a little company together would be perfect. :) Oh, and how could I forget Challenger Deep? The deepest, darkest point on Earth, that only a few submersibles have ever explored. The unbelievable quiet and darkness of it, once again perfect solitude.
Or I could simply fly up into the clouds, and lie there staring up at the blue sky as it melds into the atmosphere separating the Earth from space. I could then travel to anywhere in the world I want to, visiting all the places and seeing all the sights I've longed to see my whole life. And I'd never get lost, either; I'd simply fly up into space and back down home whenever I like.
Oh, the possibilities. I couldn't ask for anything more, really. But if only I weren't a normal human being. :)
Imagine it: I could fly up into the pillows of clouds and into the cold blackness of space, swim to the dark depths of Challenger Deep, and simply escape from life and all reality on the surface.
I could traverse the galaxies at the speed of light, perhaps finding new life and proving once and for all what I've always believed - that we're not alone in the universe. I could explore the nebulas, the newborn and dying stars, dozens of planets, fly to the very edge of space, and perhaps even come across a black hole, though of course I'd be smart enough not to go anywhere near it. And the cold, dark emptiness of space provides perfect solitude; I could stay there forever, gazing at the stars, and picking which one to explore before blasting off at lightspeed for it. Or I could simply fly to the moon, sit on its dusty surface on the top of one of its many craters, and stare across at Earth as it drifts in and out of daylight and nighttime, over and over again, gazing at its daily motions and that of humanity's as well. A dream come true, indeed.
Or I could explore all of the oceans, and discover secrets unknown to mankind. The lost city of Atlantis, perhaps, if Plato was really telling the truth; all its secrets and treasures in all their glory and perhaps even its people who are cut off from all contact with the surface world. Or lifeforms completely unimaginable to man residing in dark, unexplored depths. I could get close to and touch the most magnificent lifeforms, ones which few if any men have laid eyes or hands on. Perhaps if some schools of fish, whales or turtles were migrating, I could hitch a ride with them, letting them take me wherever they're going. And how could I forget the thrill and adventure of coming into contact with some of the most spectacular and dangerous sea creatures known to man, like the great white shark; imagine the adrenaline rush of seeing one, then swimming away at top speed if they should think I'm food and chase after me. And besides, sometimes the company of animals beats that of humans; perhaps a little swim with some blue whales, dolphins or whale sharks. We don't have to talk; just a little company together would be perfect. :) Oh, and how could I forget Challenger Deep? The deepest, darkest point on Earth, that only a few submersibles have ever explored. The unbelievable quiet and darkness of it, once again perfect solitude.
Or I could simply fly up into the clouds, and lie there staring up at the blue sky as it melds into the atmosphere separating the Earth from space. I could then travel to anywhere in the world I want to, visiting all the places and seeing all the sights I've longed to see my whole life. And I'd never get lost, either; I'd simply fly up into space and back down home whenever I like.
Oh, the possibilities. I couldn't ask for anything more, really. But if only I weren't a normal human being. :)
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Insignificant humanity
"From this distant vantage point, the Earth might not seem of any particular interest. But for us, it's different. Look again at that dot. That's here, that's home, that's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."
- Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space
That's all of humanity and its history on less than a pixel of an image, captured from 6 billion kilometres away by Voyager 1.
On that "Pale Blue Dot", as that picture has come to be known as, against the vastness and blackness of space.
If you think about it, we're all...insignificant. All our wars, troubles, joys, despairs...on that tiny, almost unnoticeable blue dot seemingly in the middle of nowhere.
All of seem to think that we're important, that we're special, that we matter.
The "Pale Blue Dot" shows us that we aren't. Not one tiny bit.
Monday, November 21, 2011
What I'd give...
What I'd give to be here...
Beachy Head and Lighthouse, East Sussex, England
Grimstad, Norway
Keswick, Cumbria, England
Glenridding, Cumbria, England
Lake Mapourika, New Zealand
Florence, Italy
Beachy Head and Lighthouse, East Sussex, England
Grimstad, Norway
Keswick, Cumbria, England
Glenridding, Cumbria, England
Lake Mapourika, New Zealand
Florence, Italy
Friday, November 18, 2011
Life
Life is overrated.
Not one day goes by, when I don't question my existence on this Earth.
I didn't ask to be born.
I wasn't screaming from the dark depths of some invisible space to be born into the world.
I haven't been given the gift of life. I've been given the burden of it.
The burden of having to live at least another 60 years.
The burden of having to go through all that life has to offer. The truly worthwhile moments of which happen to be out of my reach. While its dark, unforgiving, cruel aspects are so very near, I could reach out and touch them. And all would be lost.
What am I doing here? I'm just taking up air and space on this Earth.
Life. I never asked for it.
"Nobody said that life would be easy. They just promised it'd be worth it."
Bullshit.
It's not worth it.
It's not all that it's cracked up to be.
Now I just have to wait till the day I die, for it all to finally be over.
Not one day goes by, when I don't question my existence on this Earth.
I didn't ask to be born.
I wasn't screaming from the dark depths of some invisible space to be born into the world.
I haven't been given the gift of life. I've been given the burden of it.
The burden of having to live at least another 60 years.
The burden of having to go through all that life has to offer. The truly worthwhile moments of which happen to be out of my reach. While its dark, unforgiving, cruel aspects are so very near, I could reach out and touch them. And all would be lost.
What am I doing here? I'm just taking up air and space on this Earth.
Life. I never asked for it.
"Nobody said that life would be easy. They just promised it'd be worth it."
Bullshit.
It's not worth it.
It's not all that it's cracked up to be.
Now I just have to wait till the day I die, for it all to finally be over.
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